Is our society's perception of motherhood being 'always worth it' accurate? This suggests that no matter how hard it may be, or how much of ourselves we lose in the process, it is still better than a life without children, ‘the life before’. If that's true then why are more women choosing not to become mothers?
This of course may be for a range of different reasons. I have not experienced becoming a mother myself and as such I often question whether my opinion on motherhood should be valid. But I am still someone’s daughter.
I struggle to talk about my own mother and how my childhood was affected by both neglect and abuse.
I hear people talk about my mother 'pre-children'. She is described as 'a lot of fun', 'life and soul' and 'a good laugh' and yet my childhood memories of my mother were of her lying in bed for days on end, drinking copious amounts or being aggressive, even physical.
The pivotal point in her change was seemingly having children and for many years I blamed myself for her breakdown because of this. The impact that she had on my childhood was huge but this still affects me today. I often wonder whether I would be a good mother or whether, like her, I would also struggle and 'change'.
As I have gotten older, I wonder whether my mother was affected by depression and ultimately was let down by a society which censored the true story of motherhood.
Maybe she didn't reach out, maybe she didn't feel she could or maybe our society didn't provide the support and space to talk about it.
I question whether if the support had been there, our relationship would still exist today.
Despite our society's overwhelming positivity surrounding the transition into motherhood, I know that this is not always the case. We talk about an instant connection, an overwhelming love but we shy away from discussions when this is not the case. We talk about postnatal depression being a fleeting experience, something you will get over. We ignore the impact this can have on both mother and child both short and long term.
As a society, why do we continue to sugar-coat the transition into motherhood? And when I am so acutely aware of the struggles that many experience, why do I feel conditioned to feel shame when I question 'is it worth it?'
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